Dating With Herpes: Women Explain What It’s Like SELF
Best Dating Sites for People With Herpes - AskMen
Dating With Herpes: How to Tell Your Partner Health.com
Dating With Herpes - WebMD
How to Date a Girl With Herpes (with Pictures) - wikiHow
MPWH #1 Herpes Dating Site & App for HSV Singles
Dating Someone With Herpes: Best Tips for Herpes Dating
Dating With Herpes Homepage - Dating With Herpes .org
How to Handle Dating When You Have Herpes
Living with Herpes: Dating, Treatment, and Intimacy with ...
Dating With Herpes. ... Herpes brought us together, but it's the love, laughter, and good times that keep us close. Ann Smith is a pseudonym for a journalist living in California. Dating a girl with herpes will have no effect on your dating life outside of sexual intimacy and sharing of personal items. You should treat a herpes-positive woman just as you would treat any other woman. Take her out on special dates, surprise her with her favorite flowers, and let her know how special she is to you. ... MPWH is an outstanding Herpes dating community, devoted to providing a safe, stigma-free, nondiscriminatory, warm and friendly online dating environment. It is totally free to place a 100% anonymous profile and start connecting with other Herpes Singles like you now. Dating with herpes means telling potential partners, which can be scary. But it’s necessary. “It’s good to have the conversation because there is a potential risk of transmission ... Learn more about dating with herpes. When and how should you tell a partner you have genital herpes or oral herpes, and how can you prevent herpes from spreading? Learn more about dating with herpes. Be Upfront Well Before You Have Sex . One of the hardest things about dating with herpes is deciding when to disclose your diagnosis to your partner. Although I generally try not to speak in absolutes, it is always a better idea to do so before you have sex.That way, your partner can make an active choice about what risks they are and are not comfortable taking. The herpes-only dating site feels and works much more like a traditional dating site, and is filled with an abundance of features that allow your personality to dominate your online presence ... Dating someone with herpes is simply like dating someone with cold sores (which is oral herpes). It is contagious. It can look awkward. But it is a skin condition that comes and goes. And certainly is not a barrier to TRUE LOVE. 4. Make the Big Decision. Now, you'll have to decide whether to stay with and continue dating someone with herpes. Herpes is a very common condition. If you’ve just been diagnosed, you may be wondering what to do next. In this guide, we’ll show you how to manage dating, intimacy, and living your day-to-day ... Herpes Dating Tips – Herpes Support Groups – Herpes Social Groups -- Herpes Help - Dating With Herpes .org was created by Herpes Support Group Leaders to give accurate, up-to-date info about dating with herpes, HSV-1 and HSV-2, herpes social and support groups, how to protect your partners, herpes dating sites, etc.
I (M 36) started seeing a girl (40) who's like a 10 and I'm kinda freaking out a bit
2020.10.20 15:48 TNTorchI (M 36) started seeing a girl (40) who's like a 10 and I'm kinda freaking out a bit
I contracted herpes from a long term girlfriend who I was with for over four years, knew she had it, understood the risk, all the good stuff, and was fine with it when it happened because I really liked her. Fast forward, been single since May 2019, have been on a few dates with a few women, but none really clicked like this and omg. We met for brunch Sunday (oh, and she's a mask-wearing supportehand washeall the good 2020 things you would want), then met up again yesterday for lunch. We are already looking at future dates. I have often given advice on here as I feel a "proud" carrier, as in I own it, herpes is a part of me, and that means whoever wants to be with me needs to accept "me." But shit, striking out for the last year and a half and then from out of nowhere this chick...I need some guidance. What would your preference be for disclosure? i.e., to receive/send a disclosure text, or to do so in person? My rehearsed script, if you will, goes something like, "so I have something to tell you, and I know it's not what you're going to want to here, but I have herpes. I got it from a long-term relationship, I knew she had it and I accepted the risk, and over the course of our multiple-year relationship I contracted it. I take medicine for it, and document my outbreaks, of which I haven't had one for over a year and a half (this is true, I started antivirals when I started dating again and it honestly changed my life). I'm telling you this because I really like you, and want you to be informed about this part of me. I understand if this is a 'no' and I won't be upset, and also if you need time to process it." And then I am prepared to go into any questions/transmittal rates, stuff like that. But what do you all think would be a good way to be told? Especially if YOU were told, was it a good, informative way? Would you have preferred a text to not have to answer sort of on the spot? Or would in person be bettewas better because of the face-to-face aspect and connection? TL;DR I started seeing a total smokeshow after 18+ months of nothing post a relationship with the person I got herpes from and I'm looking for advice on the method to disclose.
2020.10.20 14:26 feelinandwheelin-163Positive Disclosure Story
Hi everyone! Just thought I’d share my disclosure story with you and possibly ease some anxiety you might be facing. I was in a 4-year relationship until last year. 2 years into that relationship, I had my first outbreak and tested positive for HSV2. I got it from someone I dated in 2014, and was asymptotic until 2017. My boyfriend at the time was shocked, but understood there was nothing we could do. Well we broke up last year, and I started seeing someone else who I really liked. We hit it off really well, and loved being around each other. I knew the time was coming where I needed to tell him though. So one night we were talking about former relationships and people we had dated in the past. That’s when I saw my opportunity. I told him about the person I dated back in 2014. At the end of the story I said “... then he cheated on me and gave me herpes. I didn’t know I had it until years later. Now I’m on medication to stop symptoms and decrease chances of spreading it.” I wanted to tell him calmly, because it’s not a big deal to me anymore (even though I was SO nervous about telling him because of the stigma). If I made it sound like a big deal, I was worried it would freak him out. So I mentioned it casually in a story. He hugged me and thanked me for my honesty. He did some of his own research and quickly decided it wasn’t a deal breaker. We’re still together and happier than ever! If anything, I felt closer to him after the disclosure because I feel like I can tell him anything. He never judged me for it. The people you have this conversation with will just be thankful you were honest with them- even when it’s difficult.
2020.10.20 06:44 FootHoeHow to deal with the stigma
I (20f) was diagnosed with HSV in early August of 2020 so I’m still getting used to hearing that diagnosis. I have only told 3 people. I don’t know how to get back to dating scene. I mostly online date, so when is a good time to mention that I have herpes to someone that I am talking to? I know I shouldn’t wait until immediately before or after sex. But how early should I let them know? And what should I say to ease their mind if they are shocked to hear it?
2020.10.20 01:05 SaheimDating someone with herpes: Looking for perspective
Hi Herpes. I am a 29m who met someone really special recently. I'm not sure I've ever felt such a strong, immediate connection, and I think I might be falling for her. After 3 weeks of dating, she disclosed to me recently that she has genital HSV2. She told me she hasn't had an outbreak since the first one (3 years ago), is on Valtrex, and we are taking every precaution (condoms and washing after sex). To be honest, I'm still processing this. I don't care about the skin condition. What gives me anxiety though is the idea of dating afterwards if things don't work out. I talked to my doctor about it this afternoon, and he encouraged me to continue. But I think what would really help me is to hear from other discordant couples who decided to continue despite the (small) risk. How did you do the calculus and decide to continue?
2020.10.19 06:23 herpeticherpesDepressed in Seattle
No point to this post, FYI. Just wanted to write. I’m in my late 20s & separated from my partner earlier this year. For months, I just worked on myself, read, did therapy, until finally one of my friends pushed me to try going on a few dates to remind myself what it’s like to actually have a spark with someone before running back to my lying unfaithful ex. Eventually I hit it off really well with someone and we went on several dates but after a night of heavy drinking, I made a mistake and allowed unprotected sexual contact. I immediately felt off the next day and about 14 days days later, I was diagnosed. I haven’t been the same since. I went from feeling on top of the world with several exciting life changes in the cards for me, to really depressed and lonely. The gray Seattle weather setting in doesn’t help. I’m too afraid to tell anyone I know but feel so incredibly lonely, tearful, and hopeless. I perused this subreddit for a month before deciding to post. I am annoyed by all the “it’s not a big deal” posts on here. I already had oral herpes and have been getting multiple cold sores every winter like clockwork for years, so I know I’m going to be someone who experiences a lot of genital outbreaks (gHSV2). I’m on my second outbreak already, less than a month later, brought on by my period and lots of stress from school, work, and having to move due to the separation. To make matters worse, I have a sore on my fucking clitoris—imagine how that feels! Basically my vagina has been an absolute mess for a month straight. My entire life has been turned upside down in 2020. I hate the guy who gave it to me. I feel like he must have known. I’m so fucking angry I want to get revenge. I hate myself for being so stupid. I hate the fact that i got it after having THREE partners in 9 years. I feel like I’m going to be alone forever now or have to settle because of this.
Soo i’m about to disclose I have genital hsv1 to this guy which I’m good friends with after he asked me to go on a second date (we haven’t slept together yet obviously). I was thinking of saying something like this: Hey, I feel like things have been going really well between us but for the sake of transparency I have something I’d like to share with you before we take this any further. I have HSV-1 which is the form of herpes that gives you coldsores, only I have it down there after a guy who gets coldsores gave me oral. HSV1 is pretty common..2/3rds of the population already have it, and it prefers the mouth so it’s very unlikely to be passed on from sex if there are no symptoms. Whilst the risk of transmission of ghsv1 isn’t 0, you’re more likely to get hsv1 from someone with oral hsv1 giving you head, like I did. It hasn’t really affected my life at all tbh because I don’t get symptoms so it’s not really a big deal for me but I still wanted to tell you so you can decide for yourself, and because I really like you and feel like this could become sexual. What do you think? I feel like it might be info overload?
2020.10.18 18:34 TheBlueGeminiHow Can I(22F) know if I was toxic?
I went through a breakup in January of this year, ended my first long relationship. Ever since then my ex(23M) put out how he had a toxic ex gf and stuff, complaining about me and even throwing shade at me. I paid no mind about it, until all of his friends started making comments about the stuff that I did, how toxic I was and even messaged me directly making rude as hell comments. I made a small thread on my personal Twitter recounting the issues I went through, shit I handled during that relationship. I never considered myself the best gf ever, and can recognize I did shitty things myself, went through therapy and had to accept I had fallen out of love for many things, even after that catharsis, he still came out even today saying how toxic I was, I want to understand what the fuck is up with that???He even got a new gf and still talks about me and how awful I was ? TL:DR; My ex keeps posting online how I was toxic and awful to him, the breakup was amicable, but he still talks about me, I ended up blocking him and his friends due to offhand comments and Shade directed at me, he has a new gf and still goes off how toxic I was? How do I know if I was really toxic? Edit: the comments were about my appearance, trying to get me to message my ex and making weird remarks about my life. A week after we broke up he tried following and adding all my closer circle of friends to his socials, I felt harassed and under close inspection been having to block most of his friends since they still keep an awful close watch to everything I put out, be Twitter, Facebook or insta... Edit 2: We started dating in June 2017, I confronted him in April of that year on what was happening between, been talking daily and flirting, the root of this question was due to the fact that many girls were posting of missing him on his front page, and one of his best friends resposted a picture of him with a snake in all of her socials saying "My friend and his new gf", I felt really weird since he specified how close they were and how much he loved her. I felt really weird about the whole thing, so I told him I want to know what are we or how are we proceeding here, we let each other know we wanted to be more so we kept hanging out and building everything up knowing our intentions after that. The first year went by smoothly, he said he didn't have many friends, that he considered me his only friend, I was worried about that, pushed him to be closer to his school pals so he could build friendships since he claimed none sticked, although it later came out the same friend that posted the snake photo, they were trying to date around his last year of highschool, and still talked and sent memes that one would receive from their SO, after telling me he used to be head over heels for her, he started hiding any interaction he had with her. I know I felt really insecure, many girls continously tagged him and messaged him, some saying they should practice together and stuff, I told him about my jealousy, knowing he had mostly girl friends, but to put me in context, that I knew he had an easier time making friend of the opposite sex but keep in mind the way they approached him. There was an issue with a friend he had in uni (same major), she used to like him months before I enrolled, he knew she used to like him, and right when we started dating exclusively, he still allowed her to hug him nonstop everytime they saw each other, I told him this felt weird and it really did annoyed me, since he knew she liked him and still let her be all over him, and the reason I was annoyed was that now we were exclusive and it should be way more limited in the touching department. We went through all of this, and I still felt kinda insecure, but still kept being together. Shit went down when my family caught us in a compromising position, my mom and grandma didn't talk to me and were mad. He never apologized for being caught in my house, he only cared about why I wasn't super lovey-dovey in my home, I felt under thin ice and scrutinity, which made me uncomfortable to do anything with him in my home. This brought one of our major fights, in which he claimed he didn't care what my family thought of him but I told him I did, and still he continued to stay on this mindset. He started judging me for trying to perfect every project I delivered to school, telling me to chill out and to ask for the project from someone else, that's not who I am at all. My mom is strict and I warned him those rules would apply until I moved out, he still got mad since his sisters could go out late with their bfs but I couldn't, there are way more specific issues that started piling up from july 2019 up until january 2020, which resulted in me taking the decision to break up. I know being jealous isn't an excuse, but I know I was never given real security, he hid the messages with the girls he previously stated liked/being in love with, when confronted he always changed the story. He even came back from a trip with genital herpes, we were never sexually active, I asked what was up with that, since he had told me he was being a wingman for his cousing, later denying this story, and when he told me about the herpes, he claimed it was due to the fact he forgot his vitamins he had taken for a "mouth fire", know I think I was naive in this case. I just want to know, what the hell happened, I know we are old for this shit, but it's draining to know 10 months later, his friends still watch my every move, look into all of my tweets and still complains about me, writing this out feels like I know I wasn't the most toxic, but I know sometimes people don't match and you can't force that, but I know in my conscience I never gaslighted him but I always felt any anger I felt wasn't justified due to his reactions.
2020.10.18 07:45 ThrowRA1254I (M31) met someone (F33), but I need some serious advice after something they said...
After quite some time of staying single I think I've finally met someone who I really enjoy being with, talking to, and we have many things in common. She loves kids (hasn't met mine), and seems like a really great person. For almost three years now I've been having a few dates here and there, but mostly I've been working on myself, further strengthening my relationship with my kids, my education, and my career. None of those dates were like the ones I've had with this girl. Dating wasn't really important to me for awhile until now. I met this girl and we immediately hit it off. She's beautiful, engaging, interesting, she listens, she seems to care, and she's totally into me. I have to say that I feel the same way toward her and I really want to see where this goes. We've talked and talked and gone on multiple dates. We're not trying to go fast. Last night at the conclusion of our date we finally kissed and it was incredible. I want to share more time with her and see where things go. So why am I here? First, I want to say I'm so glad she told me this and upfront its not a deal breaker for me, but it is something that I want to really consider. The way she looked at me before she told me this made me believe even more that she's being genuine and she was hoping I'd be okay with the news. Anyway, my date let me know that she has genital herpes. She said she wanted to be straight up honest. I keep thinking about the way she worked herself up to say it. How she backed away from me, and how she immediately said "you can run away now". I looked at her and said "it's okay". I told her that we can figure it out and that I truly enjoyed her company. I was honest about that and even after that I don't feel like my feelings of her have changed but for the positive because I'm glad she trusts me. We kissed more, we talked a bit more and we went our separate ways. The next day we video chatted, we talked. I love the way she looks at me. But, I don't have the same condition. I'm here because I want to continue this with her, but I also want to know how to best protect myself and also how I should approach the follow up conversation. I know I'll never be able to 100% able to keep myself from catching this virus, and I'm not going to jump into bed with her (I wouldn't with any girl. I'm in my 30s and only ever been with one). I want to go about this the right way for myself, and for her if we can continue to move in the direction of us being together. Please, if you can, give me some solid advice! Thank you! Edit: thank you so much for the awards! I tried to respond, but I'm not 100% sure if it worked! I really appreciate it!
2020.10.18 05:26 RealMedium920Need to vent; Idk if I’m strong enough
I got my diagnosis for genital herpes over the weekend, and I'm not taking things as well as I probably would under normal circumstances. It came as a huge shock considering I always wore a rubber and only ever went to the damn doctor to treat high blood pressure, which was unusual enough thinking I'm young, in great shape, and don't eat much sodium. Nonetheless, I did all kinds of blood work and was put on a pill for that and thought,” problem solved.” Then the very next week, I come back to learn my blood pressure is normal again but have little time to rejoice when the doctor hits me with a bombshell that I have an STD as if my dating life weren't crap enough. I know everyone's been suffering during the quarantine, but I actually got sick in the first few with an unrelated viral infection. As someone who cherished his physique since the gym (and graduate school) were his only pet projects after being unemployed when the economy tanked, you have no idea how hard it was to see me waste away due to sickness to only get better and not have access to the gym anymore. Flash forward, and the gyms are open, and I'm able to start the slow process of getting my gains back. But it's bittersweet in that, while I'm getting stronger, my father’s pulmonary condition worsens, and he can't do outside without an O2 tank and gets checked into the hospital every two weeks. Either his genetics or his situation must have given me the high BP. But I'm starting to get numb to that because I have fucking herpes. The romantic interests I have don't seem to want anything to do with me after I told them (we never had sex yet). I have no one else to talk to because I come from a conservative immigrant family that would, at best, just shame me even though they always push me to date so they can get closer to having their precious fucking grandkids. Even though gfs in the past have told me that they find me very attractive, I've had the worst luck on shallow platforms like dating apps and get passed over. So I'm wondering about even bothering to make a profile on apps made for people like us. In-person dating will be a nightmare from now on. I'm just such a combination of sad and angry to the point I wish I could reach out and strangle God for making my life such a cosmic joke. I don't know how to cope and really can't deal with so much at once. Yeah, maybe herpes is ”just a skin condition,” but it's a skin condition with the added social stigma, if word gets out, that'll only be included in my ever-growing list of problems. I absolutely abhor every thread on the topic thus far because it just boils down to ”stay positive axioms” when positivity is my god damn problem. An anonymous Reddit post is the only place I feel I can air these feelings because God forbid a man sheds a tear or talk about emotions.
2020.10.18 02:54 throwawaybaby12342I'm in a relationship and didn't disclose, and I am so glad I decided to finally do it.
I know that there are probably people lurking in this community who don't disclose, because I was one of them. Two years ago I was diagnosed with GHSV1. I had just gotten out of my first relationship with the first person I had ever slept with, and I got GHSV1 from the second person I ever slept with. I was also diagnosed when I was 19, so was also incredibly young. For that reason, plus recommendations from some terrible doctors, I made that decision to never disclose to any of my partners (I'm not denying this was a terrible choice, I put my partners at risk and I am very very fortunate I never transmitted to anyone). Soon after my diagnosis, I began hooking up with this guy and I never told him I had herpes. My thought process was "oh whatever, its low risk, I wont transmit to him, plus we use condoms and I'm on antivirals, plus he probably has HSV1 anyways. Its not like we're dating or anything its just a hook up"... Well... that eventually started to turn into something greater and we started to basically fall for eachother. The entire time, I felt this impending guilt. A few months in, I basically had a breakdown and sat him down and told him the truth. He was obviously VERY upset with me, told me it wasn't that big of a deal but that I ruined our trust and that he'd need to take some time to have some space and think. Obviously I was upset, but I understood his disappointment and told him he could take as much time as he needed. We didn't talk for about a week, until he asked if we could meet up and talk it out. Annnnndd, long story short, while he was incredibly disappointed in me, he admitted that if he was in that situation he would've been scared too. With that being said, he said we would figure it out together. I'm honestly not writing this because I think I'm a great person or I'm some hero lol, I am actually very very disappointed in myself. I'm writing this because I know there's probably someone lurking in the shadows of this sub who is going through something similar. PLEASE TELL YOUR PARTNERS!!! Being able to communicate about outbreaks and transmission is much much much easier when you are both on the same page. You WILL find someone who loves you for you and wants to be with you regardless of your diagnosis. Disclosing has given me an entirely new outlook on having GHSV1.
2020.10.17 21:49 neverleavingthewagontoday i am one year sober.
i'm trying not to make too much of a big deal about it but today i am 365 days sober from alcohol. i would've never thought i would get to this day because it honestly felt like the longest year ever because of the PAWS and the debilitating stomach issues i've gone through because of it. But i vouched to myself a life of sobriety and by god i'm gonna do it. but here's my story if you care to hear it: i hit my rock bottom when i found myself banging at the package store door at 8am every single goddamn day hoping to get a few shots/beers in me so i can get out the nightmarish hangover i was going through day in and day out. i never thought i'd be that person. i would stumble my hungover ass down there every morning with one thought on my mind, alcohol. i would cycle numerous different package stores around town multiple times a day just so they wouldn't think i had a problem, but they're not stupid, they knew. one day i found a bar in my town (one i NEVER went to because it's scummy af in a scummy part of town) that opens at 6am (for breakfast because of the 3rd shifters that work at the factory next door) but the bartenders served alcohol because 90% of the people in my town are alcoholics. that dug me into the worst downward spiral i've ever been in. i'd usually only get 3 hours of sleep a night if i was lucky and i'd wake up at 5am with a nasty hangover and dread having to wait 3 hours for the packy to open, so this bar would be my home for the next 4 months or so, i'd be the first one in the bar at 5:58am and the bartender would have a beer cracked open for me. a beer (bud/bud light) was $1.50 and a shot of well alcohol was $3, so it was pretty easy to get plastered for cheap. i ran down my bank account going barhopping every single day so i would run up tabs and walk out on them, not purposely..(eventually getting sober and going back to settle all of them with complete and utter embarassment) thank god they didn't care too much because i was a local but it made me feel like a horrible human being. the people i'd meet at this place were complete and utter lowlifes...i'd have to hear their stories of how they used to be hot shit, how they were in the mob, (because i live in an italian infused town) how they're high rollers at the local casinos, and i'd be so fucked up, i'd entertain their stories and become buddies with them..they bought me shots/beers and i had no problem at all being buddy buddy with them. i used to bang one of the new bartenders they just hired and she would hook me up on the regular..and i'd have to hear all the guys talk about how hott she was when she walked away, and they'd do anything to get with her. one night me and her went out and got really drunk together and she slept over, we were both naked and about to eff the living shit out of eachother, but i couldn't get hard so i passed out, the next day she decided to fill me in that her recent ex boyfriend gave her genital herpes, and that right there could've ruined my fucking life if i went through with that sex. i was just living a sad ass existence. eventually something started happening with my body that i was becoming concerned with. not only was i shitting out yellow oily substances 2 minutes after i ate (if and when i ate), but i started feeling very unwell all the time. i just wasn't myself. the alcohol wasn't getting me drunk anymore, it was basically just accumulating in my system and i'd just get extremely messed up hours later. i'd get horrible brain fog and i felt like i was living in an alternate reality where things were just fake as all hell. i felt SO depersonalized. i would drive to the casino and get extremely messed up for free because i'd pretend i was gambling. i was passing out in my car in different parking lots of different casinos and bars. i'd wake up at 3am in my backseat and just be SOOOOO out of it that i'd piss myself and go back to sleep. i would drink my alcohol and throw it up in the bathroom an hour later just so i can keep drinking it took me 4 detox rehab stints in a 4 month span to realize what i was doing to myself. there is nothing worse than waking up with a group of 50+ strangers going through the same nightmare you are in a place where you're literally locked in, being woken up every 2 hours throughout the night, even though you're going through alcoholic insomnia and aren't getting any sleep anyways i left rehab and immediately relapsed each time. i saw this girl at the bar that i used to chill with one night and i went back to her place just to chill and drink more. i spent 7 days at her apartment, she bought 30 racks and i drank at her place while she went to work everyday and when she got out, we'd hit the bars..then go back to her house, and we'd drink some more. and that went on for a week. i didn't change my clothes, i didn't shower, i felt fucking disgusting. one night me and her went to a local bar and got shitfaced. these complete losers came in and sat with us and i got real bad vibes from them. they saw i was feeling down and out so they offered me a bump of cocaine, and i am one of those people who have NEVER touched a hard drug in my life, but i said fuck it and they set me up a line, i ended up denying it in the end because i'm a giant pussy..they all proceeded to do some shrooms and decided we're gonna go to a party. and this party was a banger, and it was 20 miles away in the middle of the woods, they had a live band, and if i wasn't as messed up as i was, it would've been fun af, but it wasnt and i wanted to leave. i spent 4 hours looking for a ride because they were all too tripped out to even function. it was fucking freezing and i walked over 20 miles to her house and it took me a long ass time, literally frozen and drunk, and it was HORRIBLE. that was the night i took my final drink. my last drink. i developed extreme PTSD because of all this shit. that PTSD is what got me to stop. every single damn time i get the urge to drink, i think of what i went through everyday. every time the thought of beer crosses my mind, i get sick to my stomach thinking about that life i was living. i never want to go through that ever again. i'd rather be sober, depressed and miserable than drunk, numb and SICK all the fucking time. i sometimes drive past these bars i would frequent just to watch the regulars sitting outside drinking their $1.50 can of bud looking miserable af. i'm just happy to be this far into my sobriety. 365 fucking days bro. if you read all of this..i appreciate you taking the time to read my story. i know it went on and on but that's how i got from where i was to where i am now. i got a nice built up bank account, i got a beautiful puppy that i love to death, my mother told me yesterday that she's proud of me and i proved her wrong, those words were enough to make it all worth it, because i put her through hell and back i've finally decided it's time i start dating again..i took that year for myself but i think i'm ready to find 'the one' but i appreciate all of you. we're all in this together. one sober community. and i hope all of you get to where you wanna be at. thanks for listening
2020.10.17 14:40 thisisme2930Disclosure before meeting went well! :)
Hey guys, I’m 29f ghsv2. In Canada! Divorced a year ago and getting back into the dating world. I have only crept this page for a year it, it’s been amazing reading your stories, has given me the confidence to get out there! I was with my partner 11 years so adult dating is so new to me lol. I figured I would try some different approaches to the disclosure and see what gave me best results. I wanted to start with not meeting the person so no attachment was made if a rejection did happen. AANYYYYWAY I think it’ time I join the community and start sharing too :) I wanted to share my first disclosure. Fella and I talked for 2 days played a cute question game to get to know each other then he asked me out, when we had first started talking I explained my time was very valuable to me so I thought what the hell lets go for it... I cant figure out to upload a screen shot soooo bare with my copy and pastes! Starting at the point that matters lol ME: Well that was super sweet of you very thoughtful. I must admit you’ve intrigued me. Not many have been capable of that. You haven’t asked me for my snap 🙄 you came up with a cute way to get to know me a little bit, you’re not a drinker, you can cook, and I believe you value honesty. I would be inclined to accept an invitation for dinner or a couple games of pool. However as mentioned my time is very valuable to me, and I don’t like to waste it. I’m going to tell you something, if you’re cool with it, we can move forward and plan an evening out. If not no harm no foul no time wasted. I have HSV2 (herpes). Turns out 1 in 5 women have it and 4 out of 5 don’t know because it’s not something that is tested for in on the STI checks. Most men haven’t minded in the past, but I still believe it’s your right to choose. I take daily anti virals and with proper use of condoms there is less then a 1% chance of transmission. I’m happy to answer any questions you might have. HIM: I appreciate your candor. Proper condom use is important and I use them as well. I am still interested in meeting. We could grab a drink and maybe go for a walk.
2020.10.17 08:37 throw_away_1237890Boyfriend and I are rarely intimate because of me please help!
Sorry for the overload of information also on mobile. I just want to make sure to give you a clear picture of the issues we are facing. TDRL at the bottom. I was assaulted in high school by two guys who were a few years older than me after being sexually harassed in junior high. This began my unhealthy sexual lifestyle. I would have borderline abusive sex. Most people would categorize it as BDSM but those from the community know that there is a line of communication where people discuss boundaries as well as kinks. There was no such conversation of the kind. I sought out men who would hurt me, the kind of affection that I believed I deserved. The kind of affection that made me feel something. This past January I went to hang out with a friend. Just have a beer and catch up at his place. We had sex in the distant past but I made it clear that we weren’t going to have sex that night. I went over dressed in a hoodie and sweatpants. Nothing sexy I had just worked a double. I’ll spare you the details but I was raped again. A few days later I had a date with my now boyfriend. It went so well, and we really hit it off. But a month later everything changed and I ended things. A month later I was diagnosed with HSV 2. With those of you that received the basic health version that is genitalia herpes and it is...you guessed it! Incurable. The exam from my doctor was painful to say the least. Physically I was in pain, emotionally I was shattered. If no one deserved the broken person I was then who could care for who I am now? The permanent baggage I had to hold seemed like too much to ask another person to accept. My friends ran into my now boyfriend and he was asking about me. They told me that he was upset I had broke things off. After that I thought I at least had to give him all of the information so he could make an informed decision for himself. He didn’t care. He wanted to be with me despite my damage, despite the herpes, despite me not being all shiny and new. He wanted me. Now almost seven months later, we have been intimate twice. He has been incredibly patient, and kind knowing that what I have been through and that an hsv diagnosis can have horrible consequences when it comes to a persons sexuality. But tonight it came to a head. We both live with our parents (saving money mid 20’s) so alone time is rare. I usually end up shutting things down quickly because I don’t want them to get to a point where we are upset and that has backfired. Him contracting HSV2 is my main concern because my choice was taken from me. Tonight we both ended up in tears after a socially distant gathering. Alcohol was involved and I am sure that didn’t make it better. He needs intimacy, I can barely get myself to that point. He is perfect, the guy I want to spend my life with. But I don’t know how to get past this block despite being in therapy and discussing it with a professional. They say it just takes time, that I have PTSD and have to go through different stages, even that I may not ever be the same. I can’t even go in crowds anymore (thank you rona for taking away a portion of my ptsd). I’m not sure what to do anymore. I have an amazing guy, but here I am trying to figure out how to get out of my own head and let him love me. Please help Reddit, how can I be intimate without worrying and ruining sex for myself? I don’t want to just go through the motions, I want to have sex and enjoy sex again. If you guys have any ideas please share, I want a healthy normal sex life. TDLR: was raped and contracted herpes. Found mr. right and can’t be intimate due to PTSD and fear of passing the virus onto him. How can I get my sex life back?
2020.10.17 02:50 bland90909Female seeking herpes help
Ladies, I’m seeking help on when/how to tell a guy you have genital herpes. I am starting to date again after separating from the man who gifted this to me and I am struggling. I loveee receiving oral sex and feel like that will never be an option again. I am feeling like it’s easier to just be alone than to have the conversation. Any experience/advice would be so greatly appreciated. Also any info about how men have reacted when you told them. Also I say ladies just because that’s what I am, but of course am willing to hear from anyone!!
2020.10.16 21:02 DoughnutBig3747Negative Blood Test ; no Symptoms but worried to carry on with my sex life.
Guys; About 4 months ago I slept with a friend of mine without protection. We discussed our sexual health and he said that he was tested and that he was clean. Neg Herpes blood test and STD panel. We had sex for like 3/4 minutes before he came. He disclosed to me 2 weeks ago that he tested positive the second time by swab and blood and he’s worried he might have given it to me. (A ex came forward to him and told him that she had Herpes and never disclosed to him) (I’m really hoping he wasn’t keeping this from the the whole time because I trust him) I tested negative for the blood test but I’m worried that it’s false like his first test and I’m scared to continue my dating and sex life. How long before I can start having sex again without an outbreak to test to be sure. Since he told me I feel dirty all the time. Shower 2 to 4 times a day and cry constantly at night. I waited 24 years to lose my virginity and haven’t even been sexually active for one whole one yet. (Total of 4 partners) I’m terrified to wake up one morning and have it be there. I check everyday consistently anytime I’m in the bathroom or in front of a mirror in private. I have issues with sucidal idealization that I’ve been to the emergency room for - before all this even was a thing. The last couple nights the only thing keeping me from planning it if I’m ever diagnosed is my dog honestly. I’ve always had issues with the way my vagina/labia looks and had frequent panic attacks growing up about it. This would really just set me over the edge and I don’t know what to do anymore. What’s the probability of contracting herpes male to female again? I don’t want to die alone.
So I (36F) had posted this in relationship_advice and was asked to post here about my cheating husband (35M). So a brief backstory - We dated for almost a year and half and have been married past 9 months. Marriage changed his behaviour, he became extremely indifferent to me. His mother was a major influence on him with her constant dislike and hatred for me which made matters worse. Our sex life was almost nil with him having 'performance' problems and repeated flare up of genital herpes. On repeated probing, he confessed having paid sex with an escort few days before we met. This was a shocker to me, but he convinced me that it was a one-off thing, and he wanted to erase the incident from his memory. I ignored this major red flag and forgave him, because I have truly loved him and had blind faith that he would never cheat or hurt me. Fast forward to a month ago, I moved out after a terrible fight with him ( issue being his mother's harrassment) . I was hoping that a break from each other would improve our relationship. In the mean time his parents and he were detected to be covid positive. We have a shared amazon account, so I was surprised when I saw that he ordered condoms, pleasure gels, etc after I left. I have access to his Google account on my ipad (he used it too) and I checked his one month history. Surprise! surprise! I found his search history loaded with dating apps, escort services, Airbnb bookings, hotel bookings, and intimate photos with ex-girlfriend. I found the invoices of the bookings, purchases, etc. Keep in mind all of this was going on when his dad was very sick with covid, and he himself was positive with mild symptoms. It would be unfathomable to me that a man I loved can do such a thing when we are still very much married. I'm completely broken now. I feel so impure.It seems like I am watching a porn movie starring dear husband and other ladies. How do I deal with this? Can I ever recover?
2020.10.16 19:19 FunkykittieHow do you deal with cheating spouses? Like seriously, I am finding it extremely difficult to come to terms with reality. Why is it so hard to accept the truth? How do you move on?
So I (36F) had posted in this sub before about my cheating husband (35M). So a brief backstory - We dated for almost a year and half and married past 9 months. Marriage changed his behaviour, he became extremely indifferent to me. His mother was a major influence on him with her constant dislike and hatred for me which made matters worse. Our sex life was almost nil with him having 'performance' problems and repeated flare up of genital herpes. On repeated probing, he confessed having paid sex with an escort few days before we met. This was a shocker to me, but he convinced me that it was a one-off thing, and he wanted to erase the incident from his memory. I ignored this major red flag and forgave him, because I have truly loved him and had blind faith that he would never cheat or hurt me. Fast forward to a month ago, I moved out after a terrible fight with him ( issue being his mother's harrassment) . I was hoping that a break from each other would improve our relationship. In the mean time his parents and he were detected to be covid positive. We have a shared amazon account, so I was surprised when I saw that he ordered condoms, pleasure gels, etc after I left. I have access to his Google account on my ipad (he used it too) and I checked his one month history. Surprise! surprise! I found his search history loaded with dating apps, escort services, Airbnb bookings, hotel bookings, and intimate photos with ex-girlfriend. I found the invoices of the bookings, purchases, etc. Keep in mind all of this was going on when his dad was very sick with covid. It would be unfathomable to me that a man I loved can do such a thing when we are still very much married. I'm completely broken now. I feel so impure.It seems like I am watching a porn movie starring dear husband and other ladies. How do I deal with this? Can I ever recover?
2020.10.16 18:11 360_waves101New girlfriend agreed to get tested!
Backstory: I bought a full panel test for me and my ex. I got got tested, all negative. She had her doctor get the test, all negative except it did not include HSV 1/2. I told her to use the one I bought since it included hsv 1/2 but she put it off. Eventually she used it and she tested positive for Herpes 1 and 2. I broke up with her and she slashed my tires lol...yea those things arent cheap. Now Im dating this new girl and I told her I'd like for us both to get tested before we get serious and she happily agreed! I bought the full panel test and we got tested this morning. We should get the results on Monday. Im happy and feeling confident that she will be a long term gf. Stay safe everyone and dont be scared to have you and new partner tested.
2020.10.16 17:55 360_waves101New Girlfriend happily agreed to go get tested!
Backstory: I bought a full panel test for me and my ex. I got tested, all negative. She had her doctor get the test, all negative except it did not include HSV 1/2. I told her to use the one I bought since it included hsv 1/2 but she put it off. Eventually she used it and she tested positive for Herpes 1 and 2. I broke up with her and she slashed my tires lol...yea those things arent cheap. Now Im dating this new girl and I told her I'd like for us both to get tested before we get serious and she happily agreed! I bought the full panel test and we got tested this morning. We should get the results on Monday. Im happy and feeling confident that she will be a long term gf. Stay safe everyone and dont be scared to have you and new partner tested.
2020.10.16 10:09 randomuser8008157Can herpes cause prostatitis?
I’ve had an underlying fear for the past few years that I might have hsv. On several occasions during that time micro sized spots have appeared on the shaft of my penis, most of which seem to disappear within 24-48 hrs. These are literally pin head sized but raised and with a white head. Sometimes leave a red mark which also disappears quite quickly - usually brought on by masturbation or exercise. I know that this isn’t particularly representative of herpes, but I’ve also read about people who have only one spot which does disappear quickly - so I assume it happens. Anyway, I have done lots of tests and no positive results to date (although no spots swabbed). Could easily be just spots arising due to sweat and and abrasive action. Who knows?! I do have chronic prostatitis. Looks to be non bacterial but have a few final tests to run. Suffering 18 months, no true resolution yet although quite some improvement since the outset. It’s still horrible however and quite debilitating. I had read on some websites (none of which seem that credible) that viruses such as hsv can cause prostatitis. However I can’t rule it out. Does anyone know a little more about this, and if/how it can be tested?
Yesterday, I (F21) was hesitantly diagnosed with a HSV outbreak. I had hooked up with someone off Tinder who seemed kind, respectable, and clean. We had casual sex, used condoms the whole way through and even discussed our sexual health statuses. Fast forward a few days later and I noticed a slight burning sensation on my genitals, including a few small red bumps with white centers. The next day, I went to the walk-in clinic and got a full STD panel done, including a swab to test for HSV. I was not given a blood test for HSV. The nurse seemed pretty confident that it looked like HSV and based on my symptoms, I can't imagine it would be anything else. I'm still waiting for my results but I've come to terms with the fact that I almost certainly have HSV. Since I had not had sex in over a month, I was able to pinpoint the HSV to the guy I met off Tinder. When I called him, he had no idea that he had HSV. He had no active cold sores on his mouth as far as I could tell and he didn't seem to have any outbreak on his genitals. Since we used condoms the whole time through, I assume I contracted his oral HSV in my genitals when he performed oral sex on me. Obviously I can't be 100% sure but I believe that's what happened. He seemed surprised and confused and apologetic but there's nothing either of us can do about it now. I never even knew that oral herpes could be transmitted by oral sex. I'm so upset at the sex education system for simply telling me that genital HSV was from symptomatic genital contact. Ironically, I never let anyone eat me out and the ONE time I let someone do it on a whim, I got one of the most stigmatized diseases to ever exist. I'm so confused and upset, overall I'm just struggling to come to terms with what now feels like a lifetime sentence. Anyways, back in August I met a guy that I really, really liked. I had never felt that way about anybody in my life and we had a whirlwind 2 months of constantly hanging out, getting to know each other on an extremely vulnerable and personal level. We even had plans on meeting each other's parents. Well, long story short, he's an addict and is only 5-6 months out of rehab. He was incredibly scared to open up to me about it, but I created a safe environment for him to fully open up about his addiction. He even thanked me because he had expected to feel shame but said I made him feel supported and valued. I had a family member who was an addict so I was informed and knew what to expect. About a month ago, he ghosted me out of nowhere. Everything was going great but I wasn't surprised as addicts commonly cut people out when they're feeling depressed, overwhelmed, or self-critical. Last week, he texted me and told me he'd been depressed, missed me, and wanted to talk again. I hesitantly agreed and he came over and it was like a miracle. He apologized genuinely for hurting me by cutting me out, we set boundaries, and he promised to let his actions speak louder than words so that I could feel cared for and trust him. (This was before I knew I had HSV). He set up reservations for a $300 sushi dinner and booked us airbnb reservations in the city so we could have a date night. I was beyond excited. Flash forward to today. I am coming to terms with HSV, learning about it, and have been struggling to understand disclosure. I am no longer excited for this date night which I had only ever dreamed about up until a few days ago. I'm now absolutely sick to my stomach with guilt, fear, and self criticism. He has never had an STI/STD. He said he never went without condoms but he said he trusted me (I never asked him to not used condoms, just went with it when he proceeded to have sex without one). We haven't had sex since my OB and I am certain that I got it after we stopped talking. But I am beyond horrified to disclose to him tomorrow. I have no idea how he will react. I know it's apples to oranges but when he confided in me about addiction, I saw through the stigma and shame and saw him for who he really is. I cared about him enough to fall for him even knowing that there's a good chance he could relapse or I could fall victim to certain addict behaviors that inevitably collapse relationships. Now it's my turn to tell him about a highly stigmatized condition that could potentially be met with shame and abandonment. I would be completely heartbroken if he rejected me. Even more so if he permanently ghosted me. He finally came back and it's been better than ever and HSV comes around and steals it from me. This isn't like disclosing to a potential sex partner or significant other within the first few dates. This is disclosing to someone I deeply care about, have an intense connection to, and can't replace. We had been dating for a good 2 months and had shared incredibly personal feelings with each other. I apologize if this post seems dramatic or even negative towards HSV. I've educated myself and now know how typically benign and easily preventable (when status is known and antivirals/condoms are used) it is. But the horrible, dehumanizing stigma it carries is what scares me the most. Losing the man I've been falling in love with over awful little genital bumps that I would likely never spread to him (given precautions) is a horrible, sickening feeling. Does anyone have tips on how to go about disclosing to someone very close to you that you have a history with? How should I go about phrasing it? How do I build up courage? Does anybody have similar worst case scenarios or success stories? I know I'm going to cry profusely and have a full blown panic attack. I just hope that he shows me as much sensitivity and compassion that I've shown him.
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